Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The Story of X-rays in a Small Town

Welcome back, Kotter (I hear you sing). Time to hit that "refresh" button weekly if not daily...the Suz is back with a story that's been stored in my Blackberry for weeks! The "essence" of the story is true, although the names and dates have been changed to protect the identities of the dental professionals involved.

"The other day" (remember?) I went to a brand new dentist in Astoria, OR (for you 80s film aficionados, this is where much of the popular 80s motion picture The Goonies was filmed). Since I am moving again soon, this was to be a one-time visit. I just needed a wee check-up and cleaning...and, at worst, a new filling. You see, I was chewing on some tofurkey (I don't even think I'm making that part up), and I bit down on a crunchy little bugger that had the odd familiar zing of a piece of chipped filling betwixt and between my teeth. It didn't hurt, but to be on the safe side, I decided to seek out a dental professional...STAT!!! So I went a month later.

Although I hoped to avoid the whole X-ray ordeal, the chance at insurance reimbursement got the better of "Acme Dental". For those of you who haven't been to the dentist since the days of that disgusting blue gel fluoride treatment, it seems they now take over 155 million shots of incisors, bicuspids, and those big fellas who grind the tofurkey. It's like the teeth paparazzi have descended upon Dentalville.

Understand, I am not a total wimp when it comes to pain. I'm not a "Fan of Pain" on Facebook or anything, but I try to deal with it. In the dental X-ray world, this translates into holding still, using my ujayi breathing technique, and imagining the dental hygienist in her underwear (wait, that doesn't really work here, does it?).

Actually, if you'll allow for a quick tangent, I'd like to share one of my more undesirable personal qualities. At times, I am what you could call a "brown-noser" or "sycophant"...but only around people who will never, ever be able to give me a job, help me earn fame/money, or be able to return any variety of favor in life...ever. Over the years I have developed a special ability to charm Librarians, DMV employees, and Dental Hygienists, all of whom are manish-looking middle-aged women. This is not something you can fake, by the way. There are no missteps allowed whilst charming said individuals. My last trip to the dental hygienist was at Exchange Dental near the Stock Exchange. My skills were honed there. I shamelessly announced "I floss twice a day!" to the woman, and at the conclusion of my cleaning she offered the proclamation: "I have no complaints." I mean, how often does that happen?


After I patiently endured the X-rays, some chump who introduced himself as "Doctor X" showed up for approximately 3 seconds. He looked at the area of complaint and declared, "Uh...well, I guess a piece of porcelain could have chipped off, but it's not a structual problem". And so, with insurance dollar signs in his eyes, he departed. And I was left to make another appointment to get my teeth cleaned. Did my brown-nosing ways pay off? Let's just say they gave me a free toothbrush and samples of floss, so, you be the judge.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Me and Magnum, P.I.

Hear that theme song in your head. The electric guitar notes driving that famous red car along to the beat. Higgins and his tomfoolery and butler-esque hijinks. You know you remember. You know you watched it. Even if your mom wasn't (I should say, isn't)obsessed with all things Tom Selleck, I hope you'll appreciate the following:

As Magnum PI likes to say, "I know what you're thinking".

You're thinking, "What is this nonsense all about? Hiatus? Decaf (I hate to disappoint you, Matt...but remember, I already said it wouldn't last). And, because All the Suz are constantly asking hypothetical questions: "Wait a minute, didn't she just write on my FB wall?". Alright, so I'm a bit of an exaggerator or a person with unrealistic ideas. Nevertheless, I have turned the connection to my blackberry off for most of the day and only used it as a clock or to write down things like "put on pants today". I have my limitations! Give a Suz a break.

Maybe, dear reader, just maybe I'll sit you down someday and tell you why--why I did it. Maybe when you're older. As for this post, I'd like to discuss a very important subject of national, even international import: dental x-rays. I'm sure Jerry Seinfeld has already covered this topic (re: "dental x-rays, What's up with that? Yada, yada, etc"), but I have not. Some thoughts.

Some time on All the Suz Presents: Best of Hypocrisy 2010! New year, New chance to retract what you promised to yourself. (Although for the record, I haven't even HAD coffee for a few joke).

Time to turn of the electronics again...Hasta!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Susan...go to your room!

Readers (if you're still out there...if you haven't given up on me),

My mom only uttered this phrase in the "you're grounded" sense once. I was in high school and it only lasted about 15 minutes before I did something silly and was let out of my lair. It was before the days of full-on entertainment available in one's childhood room, but nevertheless a sort of "punishment".

Well, right now I am grounding myself! Not only from this inexcusable, unintended hiatus I just took (last entry was Dec. 19th...are you kidding me?), but a real one this time. I am taking an authentic hiatus from all things electronic as a little experiment to see if I can stand it and to see if I immediately decide that the Amish life is for me. Don't worry, I'll be back and as addicted as ever I'm sure. Just like my recent switch to decaf will also admittedly be short lived (**gasps from the crowd after "Pre-coffee Coffee" this chick a hypocrite or what?). Well, no, not a hypocrite, just someone who changes her mind a lot.

What is certain: when I return to the world of electronics around Jan. 20th, be ready! I will have more random stories than you can shake a didgeridoo at. And yes, I had to spell check that one. Perhaps I shall spend much of my time away from Facebook status updates reading the dictionary. Wait...I sort of already do that.

Happy New Year of 2010. My challenge for this post: come up with a slogan (preferable but not necessarily a rhyming one) for the year 2010.

For example:

Sven in O-ten!
Zen in twenty-ten

Like that, only good, please. You are all massively creative people.

Speaking of Facebook, in case you missed my big announcement, I am indeed moving to the City of Angels at the end of this month. That's LA for you's Los Angeles for the seasoned folk.

Hugs not drugs!