Thursday, November 26, 2009

Another Tofurkey Under my Wing

This phrase doesn't get old to me like it might to you, so "Happy Tofurkey Day!". I do not use this pun to rub it in your face that you eat turkey and I do not. I couldn't care less about your eating habits (and hopefully the feeling is mutual). I simply love punny, funny phrases. For example, I just saw the 3-D version of A Christmas Carol and was momentarily confused when Jim Carrey (Scrooge) and that ghost went to his old boss Fezziwig's party. Fezziwig? I was so certain it was Fozziwig since I'd seen the Muppet version so many times and, since I'm practically illiterate, there's no way I would have read the actual Dickens classic...that kind of play-on-words stuff.

But back to the designated National Day of Giving Thanks on a Thursday. There are a lot of "rulebooks" we all wish we could follow--the "____-for Dummies" variety, diet books, "how-to-become-a-millionaire-in-one-easy-step" books, travel guidebooks, dating advice books...the list goes on but I will cut myself off. I am no Bubba and this ain't All the Forrest Gump That's Fit to Print here. If any one of you has purchased one of these books, followed its steps, and seen the result said book predicted, I will eat my hat! I mean, there is a reason these books appear year after year, decade after decade. The packaging and phrasology may be different, but the basic content is usually the same. We--most of us--humans are constantly on the lookout for the easy way to a predictable end. And us WASPs are especially concerned with the "right" way to get there...anywhere. If we could only see the steps written down and then follow them, then all would be right with the universe again.

"What is she getting at?" you are asking yourself. "It's Thanksgiving (on the west coast still, at least)...for crying in a bucket! Stay on topic here, Suz!" If you're waiting for continuity or some linearality (again, new word for a new world), get in line and bring your chair and Snuggie 'cause it's gonna be a while and winter is approaching. What I'm getting at has to do with my Thanksgiving in particular and the way I chose to live it today. Since I am a total admitted Facebook status update junkie, I was especially interested today to read the "I'm thankful for..." variety of updates today. They varied from one friend who was planning his Uncle's funeral to another who was enjoying wine and food with family to another who was upset that her favorite Thanksgiving food was missing this year. Every person was living his or her life in his or her world, which is how it should be--how it must be. Some stepped out of themselves and thanked our military and asked us to remember those brave men and women. Some even spent the week being thankful for something each day. Like a lot of things in life, though, it is much easier to be thankful on paper (cyber paper) than to feel it in your heart and act on it...but like I learned a while ago, sometimes you've gotta fake it 'till you make it.

Today I subscribed to this showbiz-esque motto. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a total fraud all day. For me it was more like a "decide not to deride". I woke up and realized that my Widow Behavior Handbook was still missing...or, rather, had never been written, and that I was going to have to wing it again! In no way am I trying to appear glib here. There's nothing funny to write about this stuff. There is simply useful and not useful, and it's all trial-and-error work, which means maybe I should start writing a series of "Trial-and-Error___for Dummies".

My trial today included decisions about how I was going to behave when I woke up. #1: I decided I would try to laugh and not cry. #2: I decided to cook with my sister and mom and not sit in a corner thinking about where I was last year (I think about it anyway...see above about "faking it"). #3: I chose to be thankful for what was in front of my face and the possibilities for my future. It would be been too easy to fall into the past, which is different to me than remembering and honoring the past. Was the result an error? Hey, The Suz is not concerned with results, here...she practices yoga, remember.

And, thankfully for this Thanksgiving Day, that is All the Suz that's Fit to Gobble.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Live! Nude! Poll Answer!

A darling and dear follower of this blog (hit refresh...NOW!) reminded me that the answer to the first ever All the Suz That's Fit to Print poll never made an appearance. Here it is now.

...And the answer to the question: "Which of the following basic household needs did Susan's mom regain today after 2 years living without?" is...


The disclaimer here is that the hot water still takes about 5 minutes to manifest, but it's better than nutin', honey.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Whaddaya Know?

"The other day" (*see explanation in the paragraph to follow regarding the potential meaning or meanings of this dubious phrase), I caught myself doing something a lot of us do, but for some reason I noticed it and it made me lol. No, not Lallygag Outside Louisiana; not Languish Over Legumes; not even Love Over Lycopene. Nary a one of those things! I must admit, it simply caused me to Laugh Out Loud.

As I'm wont to do, I bought a new kind of sparkling beverage "the other day" (for those of you from populated parts of the country, that phrase includes a range of dates from yesterday to last year). I bought it less because I was thirsting for a bubbly beverage, but more because I am a cheap sonnuvusuz and it was on sale...better still (or worse depending on your level of snobbery), this friendly beverage was a generic store brand item on sale. Better still (or worse depending on your outrage at copy-cat brands and/or your passion for defending the Perrier brand), the flavor of this sugar-free, naturally-flavored-with-other-natural-flavors, clear-sparkling-water-beverage--I say, the flavor was Raspberry Acai. To add one last insult to this injurious drink, it was "enhanced with vitamins B3, B5, and B12...and not a B-vitamin more! Good day, sir! One can only assume that such B-vitamin bigotry resulted from limited space in the 33.8 fl ounces allotted, but I could be wrong. It's happened before (me being wrong, that is).

Where was I? How in Hades would you, dear reader, know, since that's my job as your humble escort down the River Suz. I was talking about how I regarded said frosty libation with an alien curiosity...I gave it the 'ol one-eyed gaze worthy of the best third-grade staring contest. It was like looking into the belly of an unknown inanimate beast. But wait...I mean, I've drunk water, right? Every day, in fact. I've also whetted my whistle with the odd diet Coke, Sprite, or even Tab in my day. I could do this naming of drinks I've drunk for hours! So could you if given half a chance.

The point is, I picked up this bottle--a bottle not unlike the bottles of yesteryear--opened it carefully (so as not to encourage a bubble explosion), took a small swig to test it, and then gazed at it with what could have only have been interpreted as a confounded look. Stay with me and you'll recognize this behavior as your own. When we (Gen X and beyond) were kids it was the cereal box; now it's any bottle. What am I, a cave woman; a Neandersuz? Have I never seen a plastic bottle? Perhaps my gaze is tainted with twinges of confoundment (hey, it's a word now) because, after all, "how many years WILL it take for this plastic to return to Mother Earth?". No one really knows...just like no one ever understood what all the fuss was about Mikey (to delve into another sore childhood subject). Why not me? Wasn't I good enough to appear on the cover of a cereal box? OK, so maybe Wheaties was and should have been reserved for Olympic athletes such as Mary Lou Retton and basketball greats such as Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan, but Life cereal?

I'm over it, I'm over it. Rinse and repeat. Pick up, gaze, gander, and drink.

Following in the footsteps of Alice in her Wonderland...I remain faithfully nonsensical, however sensible, yours truly...Suz.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Susan Myhr Fritz became a Fan of Free Stuff

Ok, so again it's been longer than excusable since the Suz has written, but trust me (or don't...I can't direct the trajectory your Life Coach wishes to take you), I have SO many topics written in my Crackberry right now...and there's potential in each and every one. Oh, yes! Your pupils will indeed dilate from the quantity of Suz to come. And your senses will continue to squirm with the liberties I take with punctuation!

But for now (as I am sleepy but made a publishing promise to myself), I am stuck on the Facebook theme. I can't seem to control my mind's tendency to think in Status Updates. In fact, I woke up at 4 in the AM last night and had a series of them, but who the heck wants to know about how I'm awake in the middle of the night or, in the case of the east coast, just pretty early E.S.T.? It's creepy, ok? I mean, I have a life, right? It's not like I spend my afternoons pulling Ivy from a wall...(*see Facebook reference, and hence, hypocrytic comment).

So here's my "free stuff" story du jour: after being awake for a few hours and then falling into a reasonable sleep, my alarm went off telling me that it was time to drive to the next town to take the Saturday morning Spin Class. Terrific! Even though it was pouring (surprise! It's a rain forest!), I knew I would feel better if I got up and went to the class. So I did. It was an hour and fifteen minutes, and there was a new instructor. She was German, and I liked her, but she did some different things (including stuff that involves weights and push-ups...which I still can't do to save my life), but the folks in class were not having any of it, and that made me laugh. As a (somewhat) former yoga instructor, I know how tough it can be to deal with a new crowd, so I am actually the person you want in your class if YOU are new. I will laugh at your nervous jokes; I will go with your new exercises; I will generally try to make you feel like you're not an idiot. Not so with the old timers, and that fascinates me.

But the point is...there are always free samples at this small local gym. Most of the time they are Advil or Alieve, and there are often apples and bananas for the taking...but today there were samples of Yogi Digestive Health Granola!!! And, so, as a person addicted to free samples, I took me some 2 of them and marched back into the rain to the car.

P.S. Can I also mention I'm watching Brokeback Mountain on Bravo TV as I write this? Wow...I'll understand if you just lost the small thread of respect you retained for All the Suz That's Fit to Print.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Ain't No Party Like a Wii Fit Party

...'Cause a Wii Fit party eventually ends....and thank goodness since, like most everything else, a thing is fun until it's not. Go ahead, try this concept on for size. Think of any "fun" activity. Heck--it can even be "Phun" if you like. Like grandma used to say, "It's your world...". Actually, that's what I have been saying lately. But I am distressin' my digressin'.

I'll give you an example: Person A asks: "Could I really put Nutella on my cheese sandwich?", to which I reply: "Why not? It's your world". This response is at once encouraging and non-committal, which makes everyone feel at ease. But back to the Wii. My dad and his wife were in town and so as people often do when it's raining cats and frogs, we decided to play a game. Now I'm notoriously opposed to card games and most board games (it's a childhood demon...don't ask...alright, maybe I'll tell you later). But the Wii...well, the Wii is a bit more active and it actually brings people together in an amazingly interactive way. I, like, totally approve of it, ok? In small doses. It takes a minute to warm up to--especially if you are still searching for the 'A' button, but after that it's fun for the whole blended family. Miraculous Wii! An hour passes...maybe two. Still fine. Everyone is sharing remotes, people are increasing their character's skills. My Wii bangs are going strong. But all of a sudden, and without warning, the Wii Witching Hour rears its ugly head--a time when a person is totally off his or her game and ceases to care...

This is a critical moment and, once ignored or disregarded, can make or break Blended Family Phun Night. In this case, I think we missed the bull's eye moment by a little, which is why, much to my dismay, I played the "yawn-gee-I'm-so-sleepy-and-I'd-hate-to-contract-the-H1N1-virus-because-of-lack-of-sleep" card. It's a rare card to pull...much like the Joker in a full deck of cards. Not to mention that it's totally topical and will this become irrelevant at the next BFPhN. Not to worry. As long as you keep up with your Sudoku and reading the sound advice offered in All the Suz, another great excuse will emerge from your sharp mind.

So since I told you I might tell you later, I will tell you now that my reasons for disliking most games originate in almost always losing to my sister Karen, a.k.a. "Boss". Short of cheating (difficult to get away with in her presence), there was and is almost no way to beat my sister at a board or card game. She is the ultimate shark. My mom loves to tell the story of playing that old standby children's game, Memory, with Karen at the tender age of 3. Legitimately try as she might, my mom lost almost every time. There was no "wouldn't it be cute to let the kid win" going on. Boss is just that good.

Moral of the story: only play games with small children if you are guarenteed to win.

What is your Ghandi quote du jour? Why, it's the Ghandi quote of the day!
And here it is: "I got over my dislike for bread, forswore my compassion for the goats, and became a relisher of meat-dishes, if not of meat itself. This went on for about a year."